You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
