plz talk dirty to me
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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