Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
