god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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