booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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