i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
