omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
