Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
