No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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