so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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