Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
