its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
