Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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