thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize