Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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