Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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