I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
