they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
