I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
