I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
