: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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