If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
