well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
