I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
