Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
