I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
