Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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