i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
