lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
