Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
