Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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