I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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