Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
