so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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