1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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