I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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