It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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