I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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