so explain again why im purple
no
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
