Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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