Even the bartender felt bad for me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize