she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
