mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
