Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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