ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
