Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
