I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
