life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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