btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
