Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
