the condom got lost in my hair
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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