Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
As shirtless as possible
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
