every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize