I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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