I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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