he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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