My first STD was from a foam party
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
