And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
