Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
