just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He better not be in your backpack
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
