they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
