it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
