I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
