I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
