Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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