you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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