i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
