I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
did i walk over a car last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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