My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
