He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
