Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
