I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
