I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
