I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
