I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
