she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
