I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
