you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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