Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
