in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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