my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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