I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
