Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
