this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
