I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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