I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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