the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
