Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize