I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
