I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
did you just send me my own nude
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
